32 Weeks

Week 32 was a tough one.

It was the week I realized what this move meant for my little family. It was spent taking care of the last minute details that were forgotten with all of the larger, more obvious plans.

It was spent alone, the 2nd week in a row of Jared being out of town. My time was consumed by a distressed, needy toddler who was missing her daddy (whom she had become used to seeing all day, everyday while he studied).

Sleep was rare (honestly, who sleeps well with a missing spouse) and patience was rarer (if that is even a word).

Then on Tuesday, at the peak of my self pity, I was on the receiving end of the look no woman wants to get from her OB. He explained I was measuring quite small...in fact I hadn't grown at all since my last appointment (2 1/2 weeks prior). He explained if the baby had stopped growing, they would need to do some testing and we would need to postpone moving until we knew what the problem was.

An ultrasound was scheduled for today and I was sent on my way. At that point, I knew I was not in a place where I could worry before knowing if something was actually wrong. I took Kerrigan to get her shots, and the rest of the day was normal.

On Wednesday, Kerrigan's new found neediness was increased by a fever and the never ending list of what still needed to be done was once again put on the back burner.

Last night I finally let doubts creep into my mind. What if something was wrong with the baby? What if he had stopped growing? Why was I having to do this on my own?

Trying to settle my whirling thoughts, I turned to the computer to try to find anything to distract me. I found this video on my cousin's blog:

Wow, hello perspective!!! Thank you for again returning to my life...I have missed you the past few weeks!

So today, I headed to my ultrasound KNOWING everything would be fine! Whatever was supposed to happen would- and I would be a better person because of it!

Farewell Week 32. I am not sad to see you go. You were difficult, but you also strengthened me.

I am excited to start Week 33 knowing my son is growing just fine (he is on track to being MUCH bigger than Kerrigan), and 1 week closer to meeting him. I am thrilled Kerrigan is back to her normal self- well, at least her pre-fever self. I am happily anticipating Jared's return home. I have a renewed confirmation that this move is EXACTLY what our family needs, and it will be amazing!

Terrified!

Today I FINALLY realized we are moving (I know, about time Lindsey!)...and it hit me like a ton of bricks right in the face. The part that absolutely kills me is thinking about all the life changes that are about to strike one very unsuspecting 19 month old girl.

I have been so consumed with the finding a home, finding an OB, timing everything pregnancy-wise, etc. that I didn't really consider the fact that we are about to rock Kerrigan's world.

Feel free to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but today has been incredibly emotional as I have realized the implications of this move for her.

Just recently, she has started to develop her own friendships. If I say we are going to go play with her friends, she excitedly asks for, "Dew, Kate Kate, Ebeee?" I know she will make more friends in Boise, but she will be leaving the first friendships she ever formed behind.

We also have friends out here that have been constants in her life since the day she was born. She adores our friends, and they absolutely love her. A month ago she began remembering names, and has started to get very excited when she knows they are coming over. I think the relationships she feels with our friends have recently grown from "I know you, I feel safe with you" to a deeper trust, love and the desire to spend time with them.

Essentially our friends out here have been our family while we have lived across the country from any relatives. It makes me sad for myself to think about leaving those friendships (only physically, of course), but breaks my heart that no matter how hard I try to explain moving, she won't understand why she won't see them anymore.

I have to repeat to myself over and over, "This has always been the plan. We were always going to move back west eventually. It is better to do now then when she is in school. I want her to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. She WILL adjust. This is where we are supposed to go."

However, I still feel like I am tearing her away from every source of stability (except Jared and I) that she has ever known...her friends, her home, her "aunts and uncles".

Add a new sibling to the mix, and I am terrified of what these next few months are going to do to my baby girl!

Sorry for this blubbery post, I needed an outlet and possibly someone to tell me I am not going to ruin my child like I kind of feel like I am about to do!

NUmbers NUMBers NUMBERS!!!!

My head is swimming with so many numbers, I can't seem to take the nap my tired body DESPERATELY needs. Here is a glimpse:

It has been...

...1095 days since we made Connecticut our home.
...63 days since we found out we would be moving.
...45 day since I have been able to breath/sleep comfortably.
...12 days since my wedding ring has fit my swollen fingers.


In...

...12 days the movers come to pack away our CT life into boxes.
...14 days we leave our CT life forever : ( and fly to Boise
....22 days we will hopefully have found a place to live and signed a lease, because in...
...23 days K and I will drive to Flagstaff and Jared will fly to Seattle for more training.
...37 days Jared will fly back to Boise.
...39 days Jared will help the movers unpack our stuff into a house we still have yet to secure.
...41 days Jared will drive down to Flagstaff.
...42 days operation "get baby boy here NOW" will commence. Hopefully he will arrive shortly thereafter because in...
...58 days I am due to give birth, but in...
...60 days Jared has to travel back to Seattle for another two weeks (see why he HAS to come a little early!).
...73 days Jared will come back from Seattle.
...74 days we will drive from Flagstaff to Boise, with a newborn and toddler in tow!

Is your head spinning yet?!?!?! I know mine is!

Let the countdownS begin!!!!

18 month pictures....

...exactly 1 month late! I will be pulling the "big pregnant with not a ton of energy to chase a toddler around, preparing to move across the country a few weeks, babysitting a few days a week and trying to soak up as much CT as possible so pretty dang busy" card as my excuse for my tardiness.



I like to think these pictures are well worth the wait, though- isn't she a beaut?!?!?!





Like I said before, I don't have a ton of energy/agility to chase her around. Not to mention the fact I didn't take into account the humidity and heat we would be dealing with! The combination set the scene for way too many of the pictures of her back as she chased birds and bugs (don't you love her expression in the middle bottom picture...her first encounter with a bumble bee), eating grass, throwing mini tantrums and finally thumb sucking and sweating from sheer exhaustion.





Luckily we were able to get some gems that I absolutely ADORE!!!!

Baby K (or I guess Big Girl K is more appropriate) with Mommy and Daddy. Feel free to not look too closely at my face. And rest assured I made the mental note to take any pictures involving me PRIOR to chasing a toddler around for over an hour...I don't think there is a single drop of makeup left on my face- GROSS!!!!

As to not end this post with my face, here is probably my favorite. It captures the essence of my little girl- such a cheerful little bean! It is such a privilege to be her mom, there is not a day that goes by that I take for granted the blessing she is in my life!

18 month stats: 33" (90th percentile), 23 lbs (25th percentile), head circumference...don't remember, but the dr. said it was perfect- whatever that means : )

As far as other milestones, the pediatrician asked us a few times if she was really 3 years old. At one point she asked how many words Kerrigan knew, and I told her the other night I counted in my head while trying to fall asleep (as opposed to counting sheep). When I told her I got to 75ish before I fell asleep, the Dr. laughed and said they usually want them to have at least 4 words by 18 months.

Since then I typed out her words to count, and got to 105+. The little chatterbox picks up new words every day.

She also can count to 7 and identify 2,3,4,5,6,7,9 and the letters p and t. I have no idea where these skills come from, she has seriously picked them up on her own!

The only area we really need to work on is having her feed herself. Operation Kerrigan self feeding will go into full effect once we are in our new place that fits a dining room table (I won't have to lug her high chair out of hiding) and we can either lay a mat out to catch spilling food or have wood floors.